Hell YA!!!!!!!!!!!!! The NFL lockout is now over and we can get back to what’s important in our lives, our Fantasy Football teams. I have gotten 3 requests to be in leagues and I’m trying to decide if I want to put myself thru another year of this. Now I like to think I know a tiny bit about sports, I always pick good teams but for the last SIX seasons I have mysteriously missed the playoffs in my money league. Every year I average top 3 or 4 in the league in points scored but end up 5-8 because I allow 130 per game. For some reason I never got this fantasy defense thing down go figure it seems pretty simple. I need to research how to stop people from scoring against me, that’s my only problem. I can’t be in 15 different cities on one day so I have no chance of streaking on to the field to strip the ball out of MJD’s hands when he thinks he has a clear shot at pay dirt. I’m that guy the one who is willing to take a tazer to the nuts to save 6 points and get a win I’m that desperate no joke.
Typical scenario for me, it’s week 5 and I’m playing that dude that’s in your league who has been your friend for years but you never see him because his wife doesn’t let him out of the house alone. This poor schmuck got conned into watching the bachelor on the night of his draft with the lure of a little extra “play time” with the misses and ends up auto-drafting. He has two guys who retired in the preseason and another who is on IR for the year all still on his roster and ends up with A lethal combination of Jimmy Clausen to Armanti Edwards and they burn me for 30 points a piece against the Ravens defense, these guys wont even be playing by week 8 but its ok there playing against me this week so live it up fella’s that’s just the way it works. To top it off he plays the Bills Defense against the Patriots (really?) and they run back 2 kicks and a pic for 30 points as well.
Here is our Sunday night text conversation
Me- Good play with the Bills D you lucky bastard!!! You suck!!!!!!
Him- shit dude I was at the farmers market all day and forgot to even set my line up, what happened I’m watching survivor with the wife.
Me-FUCK YOU DON’T TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN
As I Move thru the season this particular scenario will play itself out at least 5 more times and until I figure out a way to defend this nonsense I will continue to rack my brain with a way to turn it around. Why can’t I ever play against Bryan Westbrook when he decides to take a knee at the goal line to run out the clock? Didn’t Mike Tolbert shoot a cop why is he playing? Who the fuck is Chris Ivory and how the hell did he score 3x. I am absolutely positive I will be staring into my drink around midnight on Sundays asking my self similar questions every week for the next 5 months.
This is my true to form fantasy football experience, I just can’t win. My virtual trophy case is filled with fantasy championships for Baseball, Basketball and hockey, hell I have won at football too but in non money leagues so it really doesn’t count. I have a good feeling this is the year everything changes, maybe I will get lucky and my son will turn off the computer right when im about to take my guy and I end up with Spergeon Winn and Terrell Owens thru auto draft. Maybe I will decide not to set my lineup, start Jason Campbell and get the W. who knows but Fantasy Football is back and so is the Polish Hammer Just win Baby!!!!!!!!!!!